Who Am I? What Am I To Do?

Mine.

This book is mine. There isn't many things I can call mine now.

Who am I?

I have a name, Serena Joy, but I was called Pam. Now, I'm a Wife, a title, only an accessory added on to my husband, the Commander. I was once beautiful; blond hair and blue eyes with a cute small nose. My looks have withered since my singing days and I am .........old. At least I am still tall compared to the Handmaid. By at least four inches.

There are few things I am allowed to do. To knit, sew, like a never ending broken sewing machine! Only one is enjoyable; my garden. Pleading the petite blooms out of the ground to spread their petals to the sun. To be beautiful and to do as they please to please others like me. Knitting and sewing only force unmentionable thoughts in my mind. I should not think them.

I want to stab that Handmaid right in the stomach, make her feel the pain I suffer when we are doing the Ceremony!! To make her understand, to force that smirk hiding off her face. This nightmare will never happen. Can never happen. Not if I get what I want. I cant hurt my chances of getting one. I cant.
Can't...